You got jokes

I've become so used to being overweight that I just joke about it now.  For example, tonight I was picking Ary up from her indoor softball practice.  I was talking to one of the mom's.  She was saying how cold it was in there.  I couldn't believe she was cold.  I said, "You're cold?  I think it's fine in here."  She says, "Yeah.  I'm freezing."  And then a dad next to me said, "Yeah. It's really cold in here."  To which I replied to both, "Oh, must be all this extra fat keeping me warm."

I'm not comfortable being overweight.  In fact, I feel terrible.  If I joke about it, it prevents the fat stares.  Laughs are better than fat sympathy stares.

Right now I've weighed the most I've ever weighed.  I'm done.  It is more jokes, no more excuses.

I've set up a goals chart and rewards chart in the hallway.  I'm actually starting a meal plan.  It's not a diet plan.  There's no counting calories or carbs.  It's clean eating meal plan.  And yes, kickboxing it is for the exercise.  I know there's a lot of other places I could try, but I know if I put 100 percent into it, I can drop the weight and tone at the same time.  I'm hoping between kickboxing and the meal plan I will end up better than I was the first time I went through this nonsense.

Kickboxing, here I come.  3 pounds lost per week is the goal.  There's a few others but we can get to them as I go, give me something else to talk about, haha!

SO, here we go.  We start from the beginning.

And It's Back AGAIN!!!

Well, I haven't posted for a while, obviously.  Why?  I'm a slacker, haven't felt like it, too tired, too sick... you pick.

I'm finally getting back to life here, though.  Oh, if you didn't know, right now I'm 25 weeks pregnant.  Yes, we are very excited! It's a boy.

But as I said before, I get really sick in the first trimester.  This is a long story, so I will try to make it short, HA! 

I fond out I was pregnant probably the week before Thanksgiving.  I wasn't really sick yet, though.  I started getting really sick around Christmas.  Between the nausea and being so light-headed (blood pressure 85/60), I couldn't do a thing.  It was making me feel terrible, too.  I managed to potty train Tristan before I got really sick.  But that poor kid was running around naked all the time because I couldn't chase him down to put clothes on him.  Luckily Travis was helping me clean up because I just couldn't.  I would walk in the kitchen, look at the dishes and just turn around and lay back down.  Dinner was mostly take out.  Most days I had about two hours of energy, and that was basically reserved for basketball practice.  I had just started coaching the middle school girls before I found out I was pregnant.  When Christmas rolled around, I was really bad.  I could barely lift my head off the couch.  I was throwing up about 6 times a day.  Travis had to go to the doctor's for me and get me some medication.  It took about three, four weeks, but I finally was able to come back to life.  Even with the medication I was still throwing up, but not 6 times a day.  It was more like once a day.  

Through all of this time, I had not been back to kickboxing at all.  But with being sick, I wasn't gaining any weight.  

After I stopped throwing up is when the heartburn started.  One thing after the other, right?!  Well, I started eating, again, to stop the heartburn.  Still no kickboxing.... 

I was doing well with my weight until last month.  So far I've gained about 22 pounds.  SERIOUSLY! IT'S BACK!!  I can feel it in my legs, arms, hands, hips, thighs, face.... everywhere!  "I'm growing a tiny human, I'm allowed to put on weight" says the nurse and doctor.  I think the only people who would understand are those in kickboxing with me.  They know how hard you have to work to lose the weight in the first place.  I just gave away all my "fat" clothes.  Luckily I kept a couple because that's what I'm wearing now.  GEEZ! 

So, I can feel my thighs touching again.  My shirts are getting tight around the waist/hip area.  My face... my double chin has returned!  Say hello to the double chin! 

I talked to the doctor and we decided to start an 1800 calorie diet.  I'm allowed to exercise but the doctor did tell me, yes, you have to keep your heart rate around 140 while exercising so you don't overheat the baby because it could cause birth defects, premature labor and decrease blood flow to the baby.  

Now I'm afraid to go to kickboxing because I won't be able to do too much AND I'm afraid because I haven't been there for so long.  Jeremy's going to kill me! I decided I need to do something, so I signed up over at Planet Fitness.  I figured if I can get over there and walk on the treadmill, I'll do better.  But now that it's getting nice out over here, I think I'm going to hit the trail again.  I miss running.  

Travis is so nice.  He just keeps telling me it's okay.  Once the baby is born, I can go back to kickboxing and lose it all again.  I am hoping that Jeremy will still be there when I get back, which will hopefully be in September.  BUT I also heard that Rob's classes are really hard, too.  I can feel my muscles burning just thinking about it, AWW, I miss it! 

So, now you are updated.  I'm hoping I can stop the weight gain at this point.  I just need to stay away from candy and milkshakes, HA!  I had such a good diet before I got pregnant.  Trust me, after what happened months ago, I am not complaining about being pregnant.  We are very, very excited.  I just cannot believe after all the change I made with my diet and exercise, I'm right back where I was over a year ago.  It is so easy to fall back into bad habits.  

I am going to try and post again in the next two weeks, let you know how it's going! 

Why Did You Quit? Where Have You Been?

It's only fair, since I have been very honest from the start, that I am honest with you now.  Yes, I stopped going to kickboxing.  How, why?!?  I've been trying to avoid this.  Maybe I need to get it out in the open so I can move on.  Who knows, but here goes nothing.  It's definitely personal, so sorry if it gets a little sappy.

It all started in June.  I wasn't feeling right.  I was feeling lightheaded and couldn't shake it.  I even asked on Facebook if the weight loss would have changed my metabolism, and what I was used to eating, 1,200 calories, wasn't enough anymore.  It was bad when I almost passed out in class.  I was doing the normal laps around the gym and I had to stop.  I could feel my legs deaden and I could see stars.  If I didn't stop running then, I was going to fall over.  Luckily, from the first class with Maryann, I knew if I stopped completely I was going to pass out, so I just walked around the gym.  The feeling went away and I continued on.  I definitely did not give it 100 percent the rest of the class.  I knew at that point something was definitely off.  Not having health insurance, I didn't want to go to the hospital or the doctor's to see what was going on.  I know, stupid, but I wasn't looking forward to the $5,000.00 bill for all the tests.

I started eating more, healthy calories of course, and I seemed better.  I figured it was just that, not enough calories.  A couple days later, I was fine.  I figured it was a good idea, though, to get some health insurance.  There was only one other time that this happened to me, right after I found out I was pregnant with Tristan.  I was lightheaded for a week, just something I couldn't shake.  When this hit me, I made Travis run out and get me a pregnancy test --- which was negative.

Still a little scared of the fainting, I cut my classes back to two a week, not at full strength.  The fear of fainting had taken hold of me.

Two weeks later, something still wasn't sitting right with me.  I ran out to the store, got another pregnancy test, cheap one this time.  It was positive.  PREGNANT, what?  That's why I was getting lightheaded - now it clicks!!  I told Travis.  He made me run out and get an expensive one -- the cheap one is lying.  Three tests later, I'm definitely pregnant.  So, what did I do?  I cried.  Yes, horrible, I cried.  Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love children but I am a horrible pregnant person.  With Ary and Tristan, I was sick, in and out of the hospital with dehydration because I cannot stop throwing up.  My blood pressure will drop to 48/80, I cannot do anything.  The heartburn is horrible.  At some point the "all day sickness" stops but the heartburn stays.  This is how I gained all my weight, I ate bread.  Bread makes the heartburn not so bad, kind of soaks it up.  Imagine all the wonderful carbs just sticking to my bones, yep.  On top of all that, I'm lactose intolerant, so the babies take their calcium out of my teeth.  My teeth are insanely horrible, and while pregnant, they start cracking, chipping, and just hurt.

That's all I could think of when I saw the PREGNANT on the test, and I cried.  I wanted the baby, but not the pregnancy, does that make sense?  I just lost 50 pounds, seriously, and now I have to put it back on?!  Well, I was determined not to.  I was reading online about exercising while pregnant, and I read that you shouldn't get your heart rate above 140 so you don't overheat your baby.  So I researched it out and bought a heart rate monitor to wear to kickboxing.  **--This is not 100 percent true, talk to a doctor--**

I didn't even make it to class once with it.  I was outside working in the garden and I didn't feel right, something wasn't right.  I ran into the bathroom and this wave of dread washed over me.  I wanted this baby.  I didn't want it to go away, but I knew that was it.  I called the doctor and she said there's really nothing you can do.  Four days later I had a miscarriage.


So everyone is trying to encourage me and it's not working.  "It wasn't meant to be" "It was God's will" "There was something wrong with the baby" "You have two beautiful children now."  I get it, and I completely understand that, but that doesn't help.  Yes, I've spiraled into a depression that I cannot even do things that I love to do.  It's not just that I lost my baby, it's the whole situation.  I cried when I found out I was pregnant because I was being selfish.  Selfish.  I took for granted a gift I was given from God, I complained about it, and now, it's gone.  How do you get past that?  And yes, I know even if I was happy about it, the baby was not strong enough, for whatever reason, and I lost her.  But now, whenever I think about this, the first thing I will think about is how I was unhappy and I didn't want to be pregnant.  Please, don't get me wrong, I would have loved her from the second I saw her, but the toll pregnancy takes on my body is terrible and I did not want to do it again.

All of that said, I'm not looking for sympathy.  I actually prefer to act like it never happened because I can make it through the day that way.  When I start thinking or talking about it, I can't stop crying, so this way is just easier.

Why am I posting this?  Well, for the few that have been following, it's only fair to know what's really going on.  Since not going to kickboxing for a while, I'm having a hard time getting back into the swing of things.  I did, however, stumble into running, which is a post for another day.

So, up 10 pounds, I KNOW, how hard I worked to get them off, and to just put them back on, it's very upsetting.  I'm going to trying and get back into a routine with kickboxing, get off the 10 and then continue on my goal.  So, yes, you'll see another 50 pounds post, HA!!  


I must apologize to the few who actually take the time to read my blog.  I have been crazy busy between the kids, work, my garden, the chickens, and family members coming over.  I missed at least a week of class, and yes, it sucked.  But here's an update for you.

Travis is really busy with work and so are my other sitters, so I haven't been able to get to kickboxing four or five times a week.  I think I was only making it two times a week.  Knowing I was only making it two times a week, I was afraid to step on the scale and avoided it like the plague.  It is beyond my control, so why get upset by stepping on it.

So, I finally worked up the nerve and stepped on the scale, WOW, I didn't gain, I lost.  I actually lost two more pounds.  But put it into perspective, two pounds in a month.  Wow, that really, REALLY sucks.  I'll never reach my goal this way.  But right now I have to be happy because I stepped on the scale and it wasn't more.

Even though I haven't been sticking to my diet, I have modified my portion size, which makes me extremely happy!  My whole goal was a life style change, not just weight loss.  Anyone can use a diet pill and drop some pounds.  But if they go back to eating the same thing, guess what, the weight's right back on.  My goal is to keep the weight off and I'm proving to myself that it is possible.  

I plan to get back into kickboxing.  I was able to go on Saturday morning and it felt great.  My legs did not agree yesterday, though.  I still have at least 20 more pounds I want to lose before my vacation.  I just may have to do it swimming until my babysitters have a little more time for me!

My children, the fish!  HA! 

That Took FOREVER!

Finally!  I am now down 50 pounds.  GEEZ.... It took me an extra couple weeks to break through whatever barrier that was.

Through all the ups and downs of the last month, month and a half, I'm starting to look on the brighter side again.  I found good motivation in looking at the positive or accomplishments so far.  I'll list some for you.

Positives of weight loss:

1.  I can now push-mow the grass without having to stop and take a break.
2.  I can fit a regular sized towel around my body -- I know, stupid things, right?!
3.  I'm starting to get calf muscle definition.
4.  My old clothes - pre-pregnancy clothes - are becoming loose.
5.  After finishing a Jillian Michael's video, my response was "that's all?"  - HA!
6.  I am smaller than my husband again.
7.  I can race Ary and beat her. - I know, I'm supposed to let her win.... but I don't.
8.  Lifting a 50 pound bag of chicken feed and realizing I just lost all of that weight.
9.  People actually noticing I have lost weight.
10. Building confidence back up.

Are there negatives to weight loss?  I can think of a couple:

1.  Having to buy new clothes........wait, nope, that's a positive.
2.  Husband won't leave me a lone........nope, that's another positive.
3.  Change of diet....actually positive.  This has caused me to try new foods that I never thought I would and LOVE them!

50 pounds, not as happy as I thought I would be.  BUT I still have 24 pounds to reach my goal.  PRESS ON!

Here's the measurements for, I guess this is the 6th month now:

Weight - 164 pounds - down 50 pounds 
Waist -  38 inches - down 10 inches
Hips -   41 inches - down 11 inches
Thigh - 21.5 inches - down 4.5 inches
Arm - 12 inches - down 4 inches

I am still working on blog posts from other people at kickboxing.  I've just been a little busy.

Monica Bodge, now weighing in at...........

Wow, you think I'm going to post that right off the bat?  No, ha!  I guess I'm going to have to eventually, though.

Hey, my name is Monica.  I guess you have to know the story to see the whole journey, so here's a little background for you.

At 18 years old I was (and still) 5'4" tall.  I weighed between 105 and 110 pounds.  I played basketball all the time.  I loved being outdoors, swimming, walking, occasionally running, going down to Philly and racing my Z-28.  I was all over the place, hyper as can be.  I met my husband, Travis, in July 2001.  We were engaged in 6 months.  We waited until October 2003 to get married.  When we got married my weight had gone to 150 pounds.  Why?  I have no idea.  Not caring, not exercising, not playing sports, stressed, working, take any number of reasons.  You think putting on 40 pounds it would have clicked, but it didn't.  I would just buy another size up in pants and go on.

First class, December 6, 2012

So, I did it, excuses and all.  I signed up for the three classes and a pair of gloves for $20.00.  I received an e-mail from the manager telling me a little bit about the program and the schedule.  He listed the names of the instructors, a woman and a man.  He didn't tell me who was teaching what days, though.  So I'm thinking maybe I should go to the man's class first because he's a guy, might have a little more compassion for an overweight girl than a woman would.  You know as well as I do, guys give in too easy to a girl in tears.  Women, however, are like "Just suck it up."

I told the manager, Rob, I would go in on Thursday morning, December 6, 2012, for the first class.  Alright, that's set, now to find a babysitter.  Travis' mom, Tina, said she would watch Tristan for me, okay, good, that's done.

Thursday morning I woke up early to type a couple of jobs that were due by 9 a.m.  I got my cup of coffee and typed for an hour.  I took Ary to school and came back home.  I'm looking around, what do I have to wear and what do you wear to something like this?  It's not like I go out to the store and buy myself clothes.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to go clothes shopping and have to face reality of how heavy you really are?  Ugh, I just avoid that whenever possible.  Digging through my clothes in the house, I found a pair of black pants and then I'll just wear one of Travis' t-shirts.  The sports bra that I have barely fits, wonderful.  I guess they'll be popping out all class.  AHH, Travis' mom's here early, no time to back out now.